The Daylily – A Cautionary Tale

Agnes was lost in a train of thought whilst standing over the kitchen sink, soapy bubbles spilling out on to the floor as the tap ran on.

She was looking out over the garden, a sea of colour and recalling what started it all.

It was all the fault of that little hardware store around the corner. The type that sometimes has a trolley of dispirited looking plants for sale on the pavement. Walking past one day Agnes noticed a rather tired grassy looking specimen sitting on the floor – reduced it was to £2. She happened to have precisely £2 left over from her shopping so she snapped it up and took it home. Apparently it was a ‘Day – Lily’ and it was called ‘Happy Returns.’ Harrumph. It didn’t look very happy to her infact she was already regretting humping it home. She stood it on the path, and as is so often the way with casually acquired plants, forgot about it for a couple of weeks.

When she eventually noticed it, it was looking less than tired – almost downright dead infact. The leaves were brown and hanging over the side of the pot, the compost of which had withered to a compact circle of concrete. Holding out less than no hope Agnes plunged it in a bucket of water, eventually found her trowel [Harold her ever hapless husband had spirited it away into the tool shed of all the ridiculous places] dug a hole and popped it in.

Two weeks after that Agnes was quite surprised the see some fresh new shoots emerging. Maybe not such a bad buy after all;  there appeared to be hope at least. Agnes was even more surprised when, shortly after that a flower stem appeared with these little yellow flowers on it. Individually not that much – pretty but no great prize winners.

During the course of that unforgettable summer – the summer that started it all – ‘Happy Returns’ produced more and more flowers. Agnes’ admiration grew and grew for this modest and indomitable little plant.

Alas this unlucky little specimen once again appeared jinxed. Her useless and recently retired husband decided to mow the lawn, whilst listening to the cricket with those silly ear pod thingies, taking no notice of what he was doing AT ALL the mower got thoroughly out of control. Happy Returns had a haircut that looked like a badly sawn off Mohican. Harold needn’t expect his favourite sausage and mash again anytime soon; infact there was quietly disillusioned loaf in the corner of the pantry gently curling at the edges that would do him for his tea JUST FINE.

As for ‘Happy Returns’ - Agnes wasn’t really surprised when shortly afterward it came back smiling at her again. 

One day on a trip to the Garden Centre with her friend Mabel, Agnes was surprised to see they had some different Daylilies – she thought that Happy Returns was the only one. So she snapped them up £5 each – really! And popped them in. Such lovely colours – a pink one, a red one and – her favourite, a lovely apricot.

Agnes didn’t really recall the moment at which she really started to get addicted. As with so many addictions, it happened by stealth. She started scouring the internet and found some lovely ones on e-bay. Then began blitzing the border of anything that was a bit ordinary or had outgrown it’s welcome [ which in the end turned out be just about everything] and pretty soon after a couple of summer’s she had a fine border devoted entirely to Daylilies. It was her pride and joy. Such a sea of charming colour and they hardly needed looking after. 

As her collection grew and grew, what little cash she earned from her part time job at the Shop-and-save round the corner dwindled – as did Harold’s suppers. Harold decided to move out. He went to live with Mavis the cake loving cat lady who lived three doors up, she was widowed a few months ago so that was lucky. Not that Agnes would notice. She seemed to spend all her time in the blasted garden these days looking at those lily flower things. At least she didn’t have to worry about getting the lawn mown anymore. There wasn’t one. It was full of Daylilies now. 

Soon enough Agnes discovered – reverential tones – Daylilies in America. Agnes had never seen the like – such extravagant wondrous beauties. But they were like $50 or $100 EACH bless my soul. Some of them were even more. Agnes couldn’t afford that.

One evening contemplating her woes on how to get her hands on the newest and best Daylilies in America, she hatched a plan.

So what if she decided to sit in the window late at night, red lightbulb glowing temptingly to any gentleman that just happened to pass … the neighbours could talk all they liked.

She would get some of those $100 Daylilies – she would…..